Important Man
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. The chauffeur figured he didn’t have much of a choice so he climbed in the back of the limo and the Pope took the wheel.
The Pope proceeds onto Route 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 95 mph, and suddenly sees the red lights of the State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it is, says, “Uh, just a moment please, I need to call this in.”
The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he’s got a REALLY important person pulled over and asks how he should handle it. “It’s not a celebrity again, is it?” replies the chief. “No Sir!” replied the trooper, “This guy’s much more important.”
“Is it the Governor?” replied the chief. “No! Even more important!” replies the trooper. “Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief. “No! Even more important!” replies the trooper.
“Well WHO is it?” screams the chief.
“I think it’s Jesus Christ,” replies the trooper, “he’s got the Pope as his chauffeur.”
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. The chauffeur figured he didn’t have much of a choice so he climbed in the back of the limo and the Pope took the wheel.
The Pope proceeds onto Route 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 95 mph, and suddenly sees the red lights of the State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it is, says, “Uh, just a moment please, I need to call this in.”
The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he’s got a REALLY important person pulled over and asks how he should handle it. “It’s not a celebrity again, is it?” replies the chief. “No Sir!” replied the trooper, “This guy’s much more important.”
“Is it the Governor?” replied the chief. “No! Even more important!” replies the trooper. “Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief. “No! Even more important!” replies the trooper.
“Well WHO is it?” screams the chief.
“I think it’s Jesus Christ,” replies the trooper, “he’s got the Pope as his chauffeur.”
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A Short Joke
Do you want to hear the joke about the limousine again?
No, it’s too long.
Do you want to hear the joke about the limousine again?
No, it’s too long.
Red Bank Airport car service and limousine
What’s In Your Limo?
A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a small mini also drives up. The haughty businessman in the back of the limousine started bragging to the mini owner.
A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a small mini also drives up. The haughty businessman in the back of the limousine started bragging to the mini owner.
“This is the best limo that money can buy. It has ABS, airbags for all passengers, automatic climate control, onboard computer control system, photo chromatic glass, mini bar, a television with satellite dish embedded in the roof, blah, blah, blah…”
At this point the mini owner interrupted.
“But do you have a DVD player in there?”
The light changed just then, and the chauffeur pulled off. The businessman in back felt a bit down that he didn’t have this simple item so that very day had one installed in the limo.
A few days passed, and again the limo was at a traffic light when the businessman spotted the mini. It was pulled over to the side, with the glass all steamed up, and steam coming from a half open window. Upon seeing this, the businessman got out of his car and knocked on the window of the mini. After a few moments, the mini owner poked his head out.
“I installed a DVD player in my limo,” said the businessman proudly.
“What!?!’ the mini-man responded. “You got me out of the shower for THAT?”
Limousine jokes
5 Things You Don’t Want to Hear Your Chauffeur Say to a Police Officer
1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
4. You must’ve been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Great job!
5. You’re not gonna check the trunk are you?
2. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
4. You must’ve been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Great job!
5. You’re not gonna check the trunk are you?
Nice Try
I was going to make up a limo joke but it was too much of a stretch.
Visiting America
An elderly couple landed at Newark Airport where their car service was waiting for them.
On the ride to their hotel, the limo driver asks, “So which part of England are you folks from?”
The old man replies, “From Yorkshire.”
The old lady says, “What did he say?”
The old man says in a loud voice, “He asked which part of England we are from and I said Yorkshire”
The limo driver says “I’ve been to Yorkshire once. I stayed with an elderly couple. The woman was horrible, a total witch. It put me off going to England forever.”
The old lady says, “What did he say?”
The old man says, “I think the driver knows you!”
The Walking Dead?
A passenger in the back of a limo wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a store window.
The startled passenger said, “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just wanted to ask you something.”
The limo driver says, “Not your fault Sir. It’s my first day as a chauffeur. I’ve been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.”
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A Long Time in Business
Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?
All that time and he has nothing to chauffeur it.
Shotgun
I called shotgun once… but unfortunately we had ordered a limo.
Helping the Poor
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said. “But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.” “Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us, also.” The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!” “Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”
Accident
While on his way to pick up customers, a limo driver misjudged a curve and drove his limousine into the wall dividing the houses of a Mr. and Mrs. Smith and a Mr. and Mrs. Ball.
Thankfully, he was pulled out by the Smiths.
